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The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die."
Was that the first sample you've written, or just the first of it you've posted? Because really, it's not bad! The descriptions could be better, for example: "like a gladiator, like he could kill a man with a single hand. And he could. The waitress had flirted with him openly". This could be said as "The sly winks and increasing view of cleavage from the waitress went unnoticed by the stern man".Less "they hated him",more,"they made a point to slam their shoulders against his in passing"
Hi! first: THANK YOU!! Really, I didn’t know if I was gonna have any feedback…
It is the first story I wrote in English (my mother tongue is Spanish), and it was a few years ago. Recently I decided to go back to writing, mostly in Spanish, but I found that one story, and felt it deserved some improvement, so I asked for help :)
I get what you say about descriptions… I need to read more to get more vocabulary! I will work on it this weekend (probably), and post it again next week. I will try to use your suggestions without copying it.
Again, thanks for your great advice!
Well, I am asking for some help and advice here. I wrote this story some time ago, but never gave it a second glance. It feels estranged now, maybe it has been too long since I last wrote something that I actually liked. I am putting it out here in the open, so you can tell me what you think, how to improve and such. I will be very, very grateful if you share it too, so more people get to share their ideas. Thank you, guys!!
An Inevitable Meeting
The three men looked nervous. They were sitting at a small table in a smelly, low-lit bar. It was not even noon and there were a few men drinking already, looking disgraced and hopeless, like all drunks do, eventually.
Je vous souhaite des rêves à n’en plus finir.
Et l’envie furieuse d’en réaliser quelques-uns.
Je vous souhaite d’aimer ce qu’il faut aimer,
….et d’oublier ce qu’il faut oublier.
Je vous souhaite des passions.
Je vous souhaite des silences.
Je vous souhaite des chants d’oiseaux au réveil,
et des rires d’enfants.
Je vous souhaite de résister à l’enlisement,
aux vertus négatives de notre époque.
Je vous souhaite surtout…
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